One of the things I struggle with in my training is figuring out how much time I can devote to it. If I had it my way this would be my full time job (if you want to hire me just let me know). But it can’t be. There is a mortgage to pay. There are children to love. There is husband to be with. There are things that I cannot neglect. As a result, there are days when I feel like my training is a very selfish thing to do. The other things in my life need my attention but all I want to do is run or bike. This is something I am greatly conflicted about. How much time can I take for ME? Yes, the training makes me a happier/healthier person so it does benefit my family; but it is still a little selfish in a way. I do all I can to train at times that don’t affect my family. I get up during the week very early so I can be home by 6:00 AM. But there is no way to avoid long workout hours on the weekend if you have dreams of doing a full Ironman.
Not only is it a drain on time (something I have very little), but it is a drain financially as well. Those of you that do triathlons know that it is a very expensive hobby. And when you train a lot you want to do as many events as you can. This all costs money. So I often feel very selfish for using our money for something that is mostly for my benefit. My husband doesn’t do half the stuff I do when it comes to this. Not because he can’t, but because he is letting me do it. And for this I feel selfish.
I also feel selfish because for the first time in my life I am doing well in something I never thought I could do! And I want it all to myself! I don’t want to share. (I know that sounds terrible) Not only that, but this is the ONE part of my life I am in control of. If it is taken away from me I would be devastated.
I don’t know what the answer is or what the proper compromise will be. I guess we will just figure it out as we go along. I just hope my selfishness doesn’t hurt those I love.